BOSTONSTANGS.COM

dirty bitch

-- Edited by bonzcnc at 15:45, 2008-04-01

she's a keeper

The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.

'I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Ralph.

'How about a demonstration?'The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay.

Go ahead.

'Ralph says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my
own eye. The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.

'Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.The auditor's jaw drops.

Ralph says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my
other eye.

'Now the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand,
with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Ralph asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I
can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the
other side, and never get a drop anywhe re in between.

'The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides
there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees
again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he
strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the
other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major
loss into a huge win.

But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands
Are you okay?' the auditor asks.'Not really,' says the attorney.

'This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me
twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all
over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.

LMAO .. funny shit paul.

The frist one is real good...Now thats a good grl sex in the am is the best but up the rear is even better lol..



-- Edited by uatlb at 07:47, 2008-04-07

haha NICE

hahaha those were all good

STUPIDITY AT ITS BEST!!!!! SAW THIS AND HASD TO REPOST IT



A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.
The occasion was our15th anniversary and I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife Julie.
What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.
The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,
allowing her adeq uate time to retreat to safety ...
"WAY TOO COOL"
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries
in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed.
I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time ...
I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME !!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only
two triple-A batteries, right ? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on
intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to
try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a
fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this
thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger,I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised. Am I wrong ?
So ... there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the
bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst
was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds wo uld be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in
" No Possible Way "
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie
looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one- second
burst from such a tiny little thing couldn't hurt all that bad.
I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh,
pushed the button, and ... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION !!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed
us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found,
with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.
The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly
thinking to herself, "Do it again, stupid, do it again!"

Note ... If you ever feel compelled to " Mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution ... there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself ! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.
A three-second burst would be considered conservative.SON-OF-A-... That hurt like **%!!! A minute or so later
(I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the
landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there? My triceps,
right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and
my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering a significant reward for their
safe return !!! Still In Shock !!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it !!!
If you think Education is difficult ... " Try Being Stupid."

WETDRM wrote:

---

what does a 300 pound chick and a 400 pound chick have in common






















neither one will sleep with josh

---

hahahahahaha

LMAO paul where do you come up with this stuff?

A cop stops a hooker on the street and tells her she can't be selling sex on the corner, she tells the officer I am not selling sex, I am selling condoms with free pussy samples.

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you want to hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls silent. In a very deep, husky, voice the woman next to him says-
"Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair,
given that you are blind, that you should know five things".
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blond girl.
3. I'm a 6 ft. tall 175 lb blonde woman with a black belt in Karate..
4. The woman setting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
"Now, think about it seriously, mister, Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
"No------Not if I'm gonna have to explain it 5 times.

A guy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one."

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only patron in the bar when he walked in. He talks to him for about 5 minutes then moves to the other end of the bar. The bar owner walks up to him and asks if he would like a drink.

He orders a beer and says,
"Man! That guy down there sure does complain a lot. He thinks he's got it rough, but his life is easy!"

The bartender looks at him and says,
"Hey, mister! I've seen you in here before. You're in here any day of the week at any time. Just what do you do for a living?"

The guy replies,
"I make bets for a living. I'll show you. I'll bet you $5 I can bite my right eye!"

The bartender looks at him and says,
"OK, you're on."

The guy takes his glass eye out and clenches it between his teeth.

The bartender says,
"I didn't know you had a glass eye. You win."

The guy then says,
"I'll let you win your money back. I'll bet you $5 I can bite my left eye."

The bartender thinks for a moment and replies,
"I know you're not blind so you can't have 2 glass eyes. OK, your on!"

The guy then proceeds to take his false teeth out of his mouth and clamps them over his left eye.

With this, the bartender says,
"Hey buddy, you won again. As you can see, I don't do a lot of business in here. I can't afford to make any more bets with you."

The guy replies,
"I'll tell you what. I'll give you a guaranteed way to win your money back. I'll bet you $10 that I can walk 6 feet away and pee in this bottle, which I'll leave here on the bar. I won't miss a drop. I won't even hit the rim, it will go right in the bottle."

After a few minutes of thought, the bartender says,
"There's no way! You're on!"

The guy walks 6 feet from the bar, drops his pants and pees all over everything. He pees on the bar, the stools and the floor. He doesn't even come close to hitting the bottle, let alone getting it in the bottle.

With this, the bartender starts laughing and exclaims,
"Ahah! I knew you couldn't do it. I won my back my $10!"

Just then, the guy at the other end of the bar passes out. The bartender looks down at him and says,
"What happened to him?"

The guy replies,
"Oh, he'll be alright. I just bet him $1000 that I could piss all over you and your bar and not only would you laugh but you'd be happy too."

-- Edited by 93 LX FiveO at 10:00, 2008-08-15

WOMEN'S RIGHTS

The following took place at an international conference for women's rights.

The first speaker, a lady from England stood and said, "During last year's conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our
husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.
After the first day, I saw nothing. The second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."

(The crowd cheered).

The second speaker from Russia, stood up and said, "After last year's conference, I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself.The first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing,
but on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but mine as well.

(The crowd again cheered).

The third speaker, a Jamaican lady, stood up and said," After lass year's conference, I wen home and tole dat lazy husband of mines, Dingo Jack, dat I was froo pickin up his beer cans, cookin his tucker and washing his undaweah and dat he was goin to haf to do dem himself.
(The crowd went wild with cheering and clapping that lasted for five long minutes).

She continued...........................



"Afta da first day, I nevah see nuffing.

Afta da second day I nevah see nuffing,



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>but afta da fird day, I could see a little bit out of my leff eye."

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this beautiful young lady sitting next to him. ''Hello there,'' says the man, ''and what is your name?''

''Hello,'' giggles the woman, ''I'm Stacey. What's yours?''

''I'm Jim.''

''Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight? I mean, right now??''

''Sure!'' replies Jim, ''Let's go!''

So Stacey takes Jim to her house and takes him to her room. Jim sits down on the bed and notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk. ''Stacey, I noticed the picture of a man on your desk,'' Jim says.

''Yes? And what about it?'' asks Stacey.

''Is it your brother?''

''No, it isn't, Jim!'' Stacey giggles. Jim's eyes widen, suspecting that it might be Stacey's husband.

When he finally asks, ''Is it your husband?''

Stacey giggles even more, ''No, silly!'' Jim was relieved.

''Then, it must be your boyfriend!''

Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, ''No, silly!!''

''Then, who is it?'' Jim asks.

Stacey replies, ''That's me BEFORE my operation!!''

theres a Italian Guy,Irish guy and a black guy and they are steel workers workin on one of the building in boston.

One day its lunch time and the three sit next to eack other on the side of the building to eat there food everyday.

Italian guy opens his lunch box and gets Spaghetti and meet balls

Black guy opens his luch box and gets fried chicken

Irish guy opens his luch box and gets corned beef and cabbage.

so they go home and the next day there at work and its lunch time..so they go and sit in thhe same spot as usual.

Italian guy opens his lunch box and gets Spaghetti and meet balls..he ses "If my wife gives this to me again im gonna jump of this building and kill myself"


Black guy opens his luch box and gets fried chicken..he ses "If my wife gives this to me again im gonna jump of this building and kill myself"


Irish guy opens his luch box and gets corned beef and cabbage...he ses "If my wife gives this to me again im gonna jump of this building and kill myself"

so they all agree to do so.

so they go home and the next day there at work and its lunch time..so they go and sit in thhe same spot as usual...and the black guy se "alright lets see wut we got today"


Italian guy opens his lunch box and gets Spaghetti and meet balls..so he ses "bitchh" jumps off the building and kills himself.

Black guy opens his luch box and gets fried chicken..and ses "damnnn Hoe" and jumps off and kills himself.

Irish guy opens his luch box and gets corned beef and cabbage...and ses "aww shitte" jumps off and kills himself.

The boss calls the wives to come to the job site and recognize the bodys to make sure its there husbands.

Balck wife ses omgg..and starts crying..and ses he should have told me he didnt want fried chicken..

Italian wife ses i can t believe this..he should have just told me he didnt want spaghetti and meatballs.while she sobbs



So the irish wife shows up and ses holy shitee...as she giggles and ses to the boss hehe that stupid fuk made his own lunch

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check
He marched straight up to the counter and said, ' Hi.
You know, I just
HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.




The social worker behind the counter said, ' Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will
supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.

You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday
trips, This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of
your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in
her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive.

A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc.

located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary
is $200,000 a year.




'The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, ' You're bullshittin' me!

The social worker said, ' Yeah, well . . You started it

^^^

Dad is cooking a deer and doesn't tell his kids what it is. The one clue he gives them is "it's what your Mom calls me." The kids scream "Don't eat it--it's a fucking dick!"

A motorist was driving down the road one night when he got a flat. When he opened his trunk he discovered he didn't have a jack. He tried to call for help but he had no cell phone service. He looked down the street and saw a light on at one of the houses. He thought to himself "I will walk down there and see if I can borrow a jack." As he was walking he thought to himself "What if he wants $10 to borrow the jack? Well I need it so I will pay." Couple minutes later he thinks "What if he wants like $30 to borrow the jack? That's alot of money to borrow a jack. I need it so I will have pay." A few seconds later he thinks " What if he wants $100 to borrow the jack? $100 TO BORROW A JACK!! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS." The man walk up to the door and knocks. A man opens the door. The motorist says "YOU CAN TAKE YOUR FUCKING JACK AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!"

Two new young interns are hired in the White House. They are walking down the hall when President Clinton sees them. The President walks up and says, "Gee, I've never come across your faces before."

Two fellows from Tennessee were sitting around talking one afternoon.

After a while the first fellow says to the second, "If'n I was to sneakover to your trailer Saturday and make love to your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"

The second fellow crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.

Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about that, but it sure would make us even."

what's the differance between your wife and a x-mas tree................






the tree looks good with the lights on